So naturally I did what any unemployed person would do. I thought to myself, I'mma write about this on FACEBOOK!
Behold.
My beloved sister-in-law, a Weather Channel devotee, had some choice words for me about Karma. Obviously I knew that the braggadacio of that post would bite me in the ass eventually, like when it dumps 42 feet of snow here in about four months, and I'm shoveling an uphill driveway and dodging falling icicles everywhere.
But you guys. Ol' Karma had something specialer than 42 feet of snow in mind for me on this day.
Check it out:
That right up there is a map of Lyme Disease.
That black spot that exists right over Madison is the color that means
HOLY SHIT YOU ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE OF LYME DISEASE!!!
I'm going to set the record straight on this right now. There's almost nothing I hate more than ticks. It's pretty much like,
War
Hitler
Ticks.
But what is life, if not a series of unspectacular trade-offs, right? I mean, it's not like ticks live for two years, right? I mean, surely the FRIGID, ARCTIC, BLACK-NOSED FROSTBITE winter kills them off, right?
Wrong. According to this article in the Cap Times, the bastards live for TWO YEARS, hiding out under leaves and sublimating themselves to rise like a *%$*ing PHOENIX when early spring rolls back around.
You know.
In June.
In the meantime, I'll be building a gravel "tick barrier" and obsessively checking my nether regions with a pocket mirror every 18 hours or so. Great idea for a hit song, Brad Paisley.
3 comments:
Thank GOD you posted this, because your facebook post was giving me a major case of "up north" nostalgia. Thanks for reminding me that the grass is not always greener... On the whole, though, I have to think there will be much more to love about Madison than not. Gosh, but I do miss you.
Right now I'm trying to decide if it's worth it to trade mugginess and upper 90s heat for extreme tick vigilance. So far, I think it is, but I haven't found any ticks yet, which makes it hard to weigh accurately. Talking to locals about this didn't help much because people up here don't really FREAK OUT like I do. Instead they say stuff like, "Oh yeah, my dad had it last year." Or "Well, just don't get bit by ticks and there's no problem! Or if you do, just get some antibiotics, no big deal." If you imagine that with a Wisconsin accent it sounds much more insouciant and endearing.
Ms. Waller, did I tell you that I live across the street from a Panera? Uh. Oh.
ahhh, don't worry, I've lived where that other black spot is since 2001 and I have yet to encounter a tick. Of course now that I've written that it'll probably change tomorrow, but if you keep a healthy worry about it going then you will likely emerge in 2015 tick-free.
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